One of the most enduring wonders of the Liga Nacional Puertorriqueña, at least to its more discerning fans—which includes all of you, obviously—is that it's a place where men whose parents made some truly baffling decisions under pressure can prosper.

After all, where else do you see men named after the enemies of classical heroes get a chance to perform their own deeds of majestic virtue?

Without further ado, we present: the names that make this 1902 postseason special, alongside a short profile for each absurd moniker.

Liga Betances

#1: Navegadores 🧭 de Naguabo: OF Pyotr Orlovsky—While he got significantly worse after being traded to Naguabo, probably due to a severe lack of playing time caused by having to share with two premium outfielders, "The Awful Doctor" remains a great all-around ballplayer who should get more chances next season.

#2: Murciélagos 🦇 de Camuy: 1B Sisinio Partida—It is beyond us how Partida, who first signed with Rincón in the mid-1880s, is still in baseball, but this may well be his last season; in 1901 he could justify his below-average batwork with a great glove at first, but this year he's all but disappeared from both sides of the ball.

#3: Termales 🛁 de Coamo: RF Driscoll Dolan—Despite having the most Texan name out of this list, Dolan is from Charlton Kings, and he must think he's through the looking-glass now: after a great start with the Fieles, where he had very little expected of him, he cooled off considerably after being traded for fellow great-name-haver Veloso Oquendo, and all but disappeared as a bat during the postseason. Here's to a better 1903.

#4: Palomas 🕊️ de Cidra: LHP J.T. Rigg—Despite having the other most Texan name out of this list, Rigg's actually from Sudbury, Ontario. Cidra, rightly afraid of his command issues, has used him as a spot starter in 1901 and 1902, which is a job he's very well-equipped to do—in fact, it's about his ceiling.

#5: Telegrafistas ⌨️ de Arroyo: CF Herodes Tavárez—We're not sure who thought it was a good idea to name their son after literally King Herod, but Tavárez has given us no reason to think it's a bad idea, considering he's been fairly effective at the plate while putting up some of the best centerfield defense in Betances.

#6: Martilleros 🔨 de Vega Alta: 1B Cedric Warburton—Patrick's ancestor, we assume. (Surprisingly, despite the name, he's from California.) An underappreciated cold cornerman whose OPS jumped .119 after he was traded from the dreary Lobos, Warburton looks set to be a key part of the Vega Alta lineup for a few more years.

#7: Marcianos 👽 de Lajas: RHP Domingo Villalobos—Even if he weren't a legendary pitcher, both because of his sterling 1902 season for the Cósmicos and because he was traded after making just one start for Canóvanas, the man would be on this list because his name is Spanish for "Wolftown Sunday."

(We don't like to announce runners-up, but honorable mention to RF Jumacao Malespín. We're fairly certain this man received his name (originally from a Taíno cacique) after the War of Liberation, given his 1866 birthdate, but it's simply too good not to share . . . which is more than Lajas can say for Malespín's performance.)

#8: Cítricos 🍊 de Las Marías: C Polifemo Garza—You'd think being named after a creature notorious for its bad sight would dampen your prospects as a catcher. You'd be right: Garza is El Naranjal's third-stringer, completely undistinguished at the plate or behind it.

#9: Cotorras 🦜 de Río Grande: 1B/RF Sergio Mondragón—Mondragón could've retired in 1901 having slashed .300/.353/.376 and done yeoman's work in right field. Instead, after Río Grande signed Estrada and moved Orlovsky, the Matamoros native hung around as one of the least productive players in the LNP.

#10: Metropolitanos 🏙️ de San Juan: RHP Aristarco Laureano—In an era with more bullpen usage across the league, the Metros would be the most annoying team in the LNP. Laureano is something like the fifth closer they've been able to pick up during the winter.

#11: Galanes 🤵 de Ciales: 2B Diodoro Dagnino—Dañino ("Damaging"), as he's also known, was one of the worst gloves at his position in 1902, which is why it's a good thing he put up a 133 OPS+ and 30 triples. They should probably consider putting him in the DH role and finding a bona fide second baseman.

#12: Colmillos 🦈 de Aguadilla: 1B Luis Gaxiola—A man who can play only one position that isn't particularly challenging on the glove, and whose skills with the bat are at best middling, is going to ride pine even on a less-dominant team like the Colmillos. That's exactly what Gaxiola spent 1902 doing.

#13: Corsos 🌰 de Yauco: LF Waldo Auclair—Although his contact numbers improved following his deadline trade from the Lecheros, Auclair doesn't seem to be quite the southpaw assassin he was purported to be. Yauco made the best of it by sticking him at the leadoff spot against lefties.

#14: Pescadores 🎣 de Salinas: RF Hortensio Mayorga—Though he was not quite as above the mark as in 1901, where he won a campeón selection, Mayorga remains an all-around stalwart in a stacked lineup. A 125 OPS+ out of the 7-hole is a hilarious challenge to opposing pitchers, and nearly 11 runs saved puts him in some elite defensive company.

#15: Cuervos 🍞 de Patillas: 2B/DH Aquiles Gabaldón—One of nine guys to hit double-digit homers in 1902, Gabaldón's surprising peskiness as an anti-lefty weapon served him well as one of Patillas' premier run drivers.

#16: Canarios 🐤 de Hatillo: OF Adonis Plantillas—Unlike his classical counterpart, Plantillas is the 20th-century LNP's answer to the question "how thoroughly average can a ballplayer be?" Beyond his talent for holding on to the ball, Plantillas provides little more than a pinch-hitting option for your weakest bats.

Liga Hostos

#1: Quesiteros 🧀 de Isabela: RHP Ed Eiteljorge—Er ist ein Berliner! Eiteljorge began the year in San Juan, before getting cut and leaping over to Hostos to join Isabela. That's about all we can say of him, becaus he didn't pitch in a single game this season, unlike the other German LNP reliever.

(Again, we don't like to do honorable mentions, but the Quesiteros have a million guys with weird names. RHPs Enrique Espaillat,Kip Larsen, and Maurice Prandleall would've fit the bill here.)

#2: Mofongueros 🍌 de Corozal: C Alex Yapp—The sad fact is that Yapp had a very tough 1902; his offensive and defensive production both regressed as he had to teach multiple rookie pitchers Corozal's complicated pitching systems. Fortunately, as of the postseason, it looks like he might be back, and he's a bat the Mofongueros could really use right now.

#3: Ingenieros ⚙️ de Rincón: RHP Radamés Luciano—After landing back in the bullpen at the age of 38, "Piña" (the source of this nickname is unclear) looked great in his limited spring deployment. He may yet find himself back in the rotation, as Rincón's once-invincible pitching fortress is showing severe cracks in the foundation.

#4: Insolentes 🤬 de Fajardo: RHP Tony Peacock—In 1901, Peacock was possibly the league's most flamboyant swingman, starting four games and appearing in nine and putting together a great season between both assignments. In 1902, unfortunately, Fajardo probably wishes they hadn't plucked him off the pile.

#5: Milagrosos 🌧️ de Humacao: OF Martín Martínez—We wanted to crack a joke about how the effort that went into this name equals the effort Martínez has put into his career, but he's actually worked quite hard to try and become a good addition to a team. It's not his fault it hasn't paid off.

#6: Fríos 🥶 de Aibonito: RF Pete Dial—Missisauga's own turned out to be one of Aibonito's best bats in 1902, especially as his overall power numbers were the best on the team. The fact that he combines that with a low-strikeout approach and decent baserunning is one reason he's been so valuable in 1902.

#7: Taínos 🏐 de Gurabo: 1B Moisés Montelongo—As with many of his odd-named colleagues, Montelongo is a mid hitter whose power completely deserted him after 1901 and who can't field any position acceptably well. He may be a permanent bench man, but at least he's got an incredible name to fall back on.

#8: Reyes 👑 de Juana Díaz: RHP Atilano Romero—Who thought the events of AD 452 could be joined in a single person? Perhaps that's why Romero was a skilled, if inconsistent, member of the Juana Díaz rotation. Shame about his tendency to hand out free passes like candy.

#9: Jinetes 🏇 de Toa Baja: RHP Scot Hiscock—Snicker. But also, "Scot." Not "Scott." We checked. Do you even care that he was 1901's October Novato Noble, or that he's allowed a hit through 3.2 bullpen innings this year? No, you're still thinking about why his name would be "Scot." With one T. So are we.

#10: Santos ✝️ de Adjuntas: RHP Dalmacio Lúa—A very big addition to the Adjuntas rotation, Lúa did not have an easy time of it on the mound, what with his 22-20 record and 2.83 FIP, but still managed five shutouts and went the entire season without giving up a homer.

#11: Amigos 🤝 de Guánica: CF Filóstrato Pesantes—A decent enough hitter, though not sufficiently so to offset his rather pedestrian glovework, Pesantes did show some excellent plate discipline. If he can continue to get on base or improve his abilities in the field, the Amigos are all set.

#12: Tumbabrazos 🪓 de Carolina: 3B Paddy Grout—Much like his namesake, Grout is a much-needed reinforcement to a Carolina squad that's in need of attracting some real talent. His ability to play five different positions, four with some degree of reliability, and hit the ball well makes him indispensable.

#13: Marineros ⛵ de Barceloneta: C Erón Olán—You can sing his name to Beethoven's Fifth Symphony! At any rate, Olán didn't even get a turn at the bat in 1902: he came to our attention last season for putting up a 1.000 fielding percentage behind the plate, as well as throwing out 57.8% of attempted base thieves.

#14: Tortugas 🐢 de Culebra: 1B Beltrán Boza—How exactly Boza has appeared in 165 games and only accrued 83 at-bats is a question for the ages. Regardless, he turned his limited opportunities into some capable hitting, putting up an .838 OPS mostly buoyed by his excellent numbers against righty pitchers.

#15: Poetas 📜 de Toa Alta: IF Uranio Umanzor—Yes, he's 37 and absolute garbage at the plate, although he did much closer to average in 1902 than last year, but you can't deny he has the most Game-of-Thrones-ass name we've put on this list.

#16: Dulceros 🐝 de Yabucoa: C/1B Terry Wibbens—You don't usually see the kind of precipitous dropoff Wibbens experienced between 1901 and 1902 until hitters reach much later in their thirties. That's quite a worrying sign for the San Diegan, whose defensive utility is very limited in both his main roles.

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